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Monday Morning Coffey: The seven types of U SPORTS programs

OAKVILLE, ON - Dec 11, 2019 : 2019 Canadian National Junior Team Sport Chek Selection Camp. (Photo by Christian Bender/U SPORTS)

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Toronto, ON- This probably is not a surprise but there are a lot of athletic programs in U SPORTS. The entirety of U SPORTS makes up 56 schools across Canada and then if you subdivide by individual sport (broadly how many schools have a men’s or women’s basketball, hockey, soccer or volleyball team or a football team) there are over 265 individual programs. As someone deeply invested in U SPORTS myself though I have found that a lot of U SPORTS athletic programs share similar themes. That is to say in each sport you see the same type of teams and programs pop up.

So today we are breaking down the seven different types of U SPORTS programs and give each of them a likability rating out of 10 on how easy it is to support these teams and how annoying they are if you support other teams.

I’ll also add my 2019-2020 examples of each of these programs.

The underdog program that surprises everyone

The Gaiters celebrate their RSEQ Championship (BasketballBuzz.ca)

These are my favourite types of programs. This is the team that for most of their history has been underwhelming or average. They haven’t quite been at the bottom end of their league but they have never truly been a powerhouse. During the season they might start slowly and pick up steam in winter semester or right out of the gate they show the U SPORTS world that this season is going to be different. Sometimes their season peaks at just the right time and they ride the magical wave all the way to a Provincial or even a National Championship but other times the magic runs out and the school and their fans are just left with memories of a crazy run.

Likability: 10/10 – I don’t think it’s possible to dislike an underdog story, unless your team is the one that gets upset.

The program that has consistently good regular seasons but is just not quite good enough in the playoffs

Brock celebrates their Quigley Cup Semi-Final Victory (@BrockBadgers on Twitter)

For these programs, the season can be seen as an exercise in frustration or in hope it depends on your perspective. These are good programs that are usually in the top 3 to 5 of their division or conference. They usually have a strong run of play leading up to the playoffs but enter the playoffs not as a favourite. This is where they typically surprise and upset at least one team in a way that makes some noise. They don’t win a title but these are the teams that when they get knocked out in the semi-finals or even end up as runner ups you truly tip your hat to them since they only lost because there was just one or two other teams better than them.

Likability: 9/10 – If this is your school you love their fight to the end mentality and if this is an opponent you tip your hat to their work ethic.

The small school athletic program that inexplicably has a league superstar

Ellsworth cuts down the net following the Panther’s AUS championship win (Ryan Taplin/The Chronicle Herald)

Likeability: 8.5/10 – Depends on who is the MVP, what the backstory is and whether they have destroyed the person ranking’s favourite team.

The new program that struggles enough you feel bad (but when they win everybody celebrates)

Hadeza Ismaila celebrates the Ridgebacks first win in program history ( Allan Fournier/Ontario Tech Athletics)

Likeability: 8/10 – It’s hard to do a 10/10 for a team that inherently isn’t very good but when they win they become everyone’s second favourite team.

The program that just can’t seem to figure it out

Memorial Seahawks women’s volleyball (Memorial University Athletics)

Likability 5/10: – The likability of these programs is mixed it really depends on if you want to invest your energy in supporting a program that may not suceed.

The program that has a good season but finds a way to lose in playoffs

(Benjamin Steiner/49 Sports)

The big difference between this and the previous program is these teams aren’t as charming. (And yes, I am absolutely calling out my home team, five straight second round exits will do that). The thing about these programs is they often dominate in the regular season, you’ll see them finish in the top of their division or conference, they may even win a round or two. For these teams though, there is a point were inevitably, something always goes wrong. They suddenly can’t score, their defense turns into Swiss cheese everything collapses and they lose again. The other rarer situation is the program keeps running into their boogeyman opponent (eg: Toronto Maple Leafs vs Boston Bruins) but either way a team with aspirations of glory crashes before the finish line. You get the traditional sports quotes of how things went wrong and they’ll give it another shot next year but these are the hardest teams to continue to put your faith in.

Likability: 3/10 – Some of these teams are more earnest and just seem to be cursed and then some underperform their expectations so it really depends.

The Program That Never Stops Winning

Carleton celebrates their 15th National Title since 2003 (Val Wittu/U SPORTS)

Likability Rating: 2/10 – Their own fans love them but it’s certainly hard to be liked by your opponents when you’re the team that always wins. These schools are probably too busy raising banners and lifting trophies to care about being likeable anyway though.

So those are my seven different types of Athletic Programs you’ll find in each U SPORTS sport. What did you think? Did I get them right? Is your school a type I’ve never even thought of? Let me know in the comments below.

Cover Photo: U SPORTS

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